Stop Trying to Please Everyone and Make Yourself Happy

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Answered by: Felix, An Expert in the Balance Work and Family Category
Are you a people-pleaser? While it's nice to help, your mission is impossible. You can't keep everyone happy. Indeed, trying to please them will leave you stressed. Stopping will empower you. You'll have more freedom to meet your own needs.

What makes a people-pleaser?

You might have learned to over-care when you were a child. Kids are often assigned roles by their parents. One child is pretty and another funny, caring or suchlike. You take your label into the world when you grow, assuming the role you were given.

On other occasions, kids are assigned the role of carer because they look after someone who is ill. They might strengthen many positive traits at the time, like kindness and vigilance. Later, though, they apply what they've learned to all situations, trying to care for whoever they meet.

What's wrong with caring for others all the time?

Although people desire harmony, and so strive for convivial relationships when they on, people-pleasers are different. They don't know when to stop. They attempt to make others happy when doing so is detrimental to their own well-being.

You try too hard to please when you take on the responsibility for another's welfare. Rather than lending a helping hand when people are in need, you try to fulfill their every desire. Their needs never stop, and nor do you.

As a result, you forgo requirements of your own, like relaxing, and start to feel overanxious. You fail to recognize stress-related symptoms and focus on the people around you.

Without meaning to, you create relationships of dependence. Those you help rely on you, whereas, had they been left alone, they might have managed. Consequently, they lose confidence in their ability to cope and think they need you. Since they seem to require attention, you struggle to please them. An unhealthy pattern of too much care is created.

How to stop & Make Yourself Happy

Now you can see why you need to stop, your mission to do so will be easier than if you had been left in the dark. However, you might sometimes struggle because your behavior is a habit. To change, you need to allow others to fend for themselves when they can.

Consider ways you assist people that might be detrimental to their well-being. For instance, letting your elderly neighbor fetch his newspaper might be healthy. He'll exercise and socialize on the way to the shop. At the same time, he'll realize he is capable.

Also, look at how caring too much for others influences your close relationships. You might spend so much time running around after people that you forget to be with those you love. Vow to nurture special relationships and make yourself happy.

You might also ask a close friend of family member for their perspective. Have they noticed you over-caring? If so, how do they suggest you change?

The fact you want to please everyone means you have terrific qualities, but you need to use them wisely. Consider how you might be stuck in a loop of too much caring and why. Next, take control of your well-being and slow down. Stop taking too much responsibility for others and start making yourself happy.

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